"Da da, darling." - Ivana Humpalot
Ivana Humpalot (Kristen Johnston) is a Russian hitwoman of Dr. Evil wearing a white fur coat and hat around her black-nearly-see through bodysuit showing most of her legs and cleavage, who appears in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Her name is also clearly a pun on the phrase "I wanna hump a lot." She is first seen in the background getting prepped up before the photo shoot begins. As Austin ends his flirty conversation with Rebecca Romijn, he turns to Ivana as she observes him. She then introduces herself, but Austin seems to misinterpretate so she starts to get visibly frustrated as her name is being joked with. He then tells them to get into position as the ladies start to sexily swivel their bodies as cameras start to shoot. He makes them do animal type movements such as a "tiger" and then "lemur" movements. Once he asks the girls to dance around like lemurs he joins in between. It is clear Ivana is lost and confused as she's jumping up and down and has to keep eyeing Austin while following his movements. Ivana continuously makes funny looking faces for the rest of the shoot as shes having fun with it. Slightly after it ends she goes to get a cigar break and hears attentively her name being mentioned after Austin rejects Ms. Romijn. He asks her to stay afterwards and she replies by telling him to give her a moment while she takes off her coat and hat and puts on her black silky robe. They are next seen flirting and asks if he knows how they keep warm in Russia, and he makes an innuendo about it being sex and she replies, "chess". They play an erotic game of chess in which she keeps seducing Austin by squeezing her titties together with her slightly hairy forearms or taking out a chess piece out her tits to lick it and happily glancing at Austin. After he copies her in putting a chess piece in her mouth, he chokes on it. She is then asked if he makes her horny and she looks away for a second and he continues to get a response from her so in dismay she gets up rapidly and worilly confesses to her connection with Dr. Evil and claims he is too sexy for her to kill and asks if he could make love to her in bed. After laying herself sexually on top of his bed, he then approaches her, rips off his shirt and she screams and and seems satisfied with what she sees and compares him to an animal due to his hairy chest. She then drags him upon her to commense sexual activity. Unfortunately, shortly after they begin to shag, Austin realizes his mojo has been stolen, rendering him impotent before he satisfies Ivana Humpalot and therefore can't achieve orgasm. This, theoretically, would make Ms Humpalot the only woman Austin was ever unable to sexually satisfy completely and it ends with her looking down at his cock in dismay and horror.
Foreign Language Versions[edit | edit source]
- Czech: Radana Chuja (Ráda na chuje (She) likes on cock).
- Dutch: Kwil Vanbilski (Ik wil van bil, I want to have sex).
- French (France): Jorevka Tumbezaski ("Je reve que tu me baise a skis", I dream that you fuck me on skis).
- French (Canada): Elmor Susafon ("Elle mord, suce à fond", She bites, suck till end).
- German: Annette Halbestunde (Eine nette halbe Stunde, a nice half an hour).
- Hungarian: Jovonna Dugogatni (Jó volna dugogatni, screwing would be nice).
- Italian: Ivona Pompilova (pompino, oral sex).
- Portuguese (Brazil): Ivana Kertrepar (quer trepar, want to have sex).
- Spanish: María Unpajote (Me haría un pajote, I would masturbate).