"Da, darling." - Ivana Humpalot to Austin Powers before their "private session" together.
Ivana Humpalot (Kristen Johnston) is a Russian hit-woman of Dr. Evil, clad in a white fur coat and hat around her black-nearly-see through lace bodysuit showing most of her cleavage and legs, who appears in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Her name is also clearly a pun on the phrase "I wanna hump a lot."
She is first seen in the background getting prepped up before the photo shoot begins. As Austin ends his flirty conversation with Rebecca Romijn, he turns to Ivana as she observes him. She then introduces herself, but Austin seems to misinterpretate so she starts to get visibly frustrated as her name is being joked with. He then tells them to get into position as the ladies start to sexily swivel their bodies as cameras start to shoot. He makes them do animal type movements such as acting like tigers and lemurs. Once he asks the women to move around like lemurs he joins in between. Their movements are of lemurs moving on the ground with their forearms up high and they're leaping lightly from foot to foot. It is clear Ivana is lost and confused as she's performing these movements and has to keep eyeing Austin while following his movements. Ivana continuously makes funny looking faces for the rest of the shoot as she seems to be having fun with it. in a deleted scene, slightly after the shoot ends, she goes to get a cigar and hears attentively her name being mentioned after Austin rejects Ms. Romijn. He asks her to stay afterwards and she replies by telling him to give her a moment with a flirtatious expression on her face.
She is next seen with Austin in his pad, now having replaced her coat and hat with a black silky robe. Austin claps his hands twice as romantic music comes on and the fireplace lights up in flames. Ivana, clearly impressed, asks Austin when he got the clapper. He replies, "November 1964, Dutch East Indies, Shore Leave". Ivana then asks Austin if he knows how they keep warm in Russia, and he makes an innuendo about it being sex and she replies, "chess," to which Austin replies, "I guessed wrong." They move over to a chess board as Ivana explains to Austin that it takes a keen intelligence to play chess, before asking Austin if he knows how to with Ivana moving her eyelids and tongue in seductive manner as she stares at Austin. He gives his trademark laugh before saying, "Of course, baby," before suddenly moving the Knight three spaces foward, which isn't something the Knight can do. However, Ivana suddenly gasps out loudly, apparently shocked at his gesture, before giggling and smiling in an aroused way, before she reaches down and starts slowly stroking the King Piece up and down. Austin quietly observes her to see what she will do next, as she slowly takes a loud deep breath before quietly saying to herself, "What to do, what to do..." as she squeezes her breasts together with her forearms. Austin groans loudly as he begins stroking the tips of the smallers pieces on his end of the board almost as if they were nipples. Next, Ivana has put the King Piece in between her cleavage before pulling it back out and licking the head of the King Piece in an incredibly suggestive manner as she glances over and happily smiles at Austin. It becomes clear now that Ivana is trying to turn Austin on by seducing him while playing a game of chess that's slowly turning erotic. Austin then licks his piece suggestively, but he doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as Ivana as he gags at the taste of the piece. Next, Ivana slowly strokes her chin with the King as Austin follows her movements with his "breast piece." Ivana then brushes the king piece against her lips as she plays with it in her lips slowly and sexily, to the point that she seems to "deep throat" the King with her mouth. After he copies her with his breast piece, he chokes on it. Austin pounds his chest as he spits out the piece and it smashes a vase across the room.
Austin then forwardly asks Ivana if he makes her horny as she looks away for a second and he continues to try and get a response from her. Unable to resist the sex appeal of Austin’s mojo, she eventually gets up rapidly and confesses to her connection with Dr. Evil, stating he sent her to kill Austin, but she admits he is too sexy for her to kill and begs Austin to have sex with her in his bed. She quickly lays herself down on the bed in a sexual manner, allowing Austin to fully take in her own sexiness, begging him, "just make love to me..." Before saying in a more commanding, aroused tone, "Now, Austin Powervich! Hurry!", overwhelmed with utter desire for Austin’s legendary sexual prowess. Austin approaches Ivana as she makes a small light noise of arousal as she slowly sways her head and hair with her mouth slightly open, giving Austin a soft look before giving a more aggressive and aroused stare with a mischievous smirk on her lips as she positions herself sitting straight up and lowers her chin closer to her chest, positioning her boobs upright, silently giving Austin an open invitation to shag her in bed. Austin then rips his shirt open, making Ivana scream in a heavily aroused tone at his chest hair, caressing it lovingly between her fingers as she moans, "Oh, you are hairy, like ANIMAL!" Austin responds " Grrr, baby, very Grrr!" Ivana slowy growls "Make love to me, monkey man!" to Austin through clenched teeth before she drags him upon her giggling excitedly to commence sexual activity.
The two make love in bed, with Ivana heard making loud shrieks of pleasure and their clothes seen strewn across the bed, with one Ivana’s stilettos hanging off a glass sculpture and Austin’s pants laying on the head of the bed. Unfortunately, only a few minutes of intense shagging had lasted before Austin suddenly stops the sex, muttering a horrified "uh oh" from under the sheets as he at that moment found himself for the first time in his life unable to keep it up for one of his lovers. The two sit up straight in the bed, with Ivana's red lips faded and Austin covered in lipstick marks on his face and upper chest. Ivana, worried for Austin with a wide eyed look, asks him what's wrong. Austin now realizes that his mojo has been stolen, causing him to shout "I've lost my mojo!", as Ivana looks down at Austin's crotch, her mouth falling open in a silent gasp of horror at the sight of his legendary dick limp. The loss of Austin's mojo caused him to become afflicted with erectile dysfunction, presumably before both he and Ms Humpalot could achieve orgasm. This ends their tryst with Ivana in shock and disappointed that Austin Powers, the world's greatest lover, could not finish having sex in bed with her. She is not seen again in the series afterwards.
Foreign Language Versions[]
- Czech: Radana Chuja (Ráda na chuje (She) likes on cock).
- Dutch: Kwil Vanbilski (Ik wil van bil, I want to have sex).
- French (France): Jorevka Tumbezaski ("Je reve que tu me baise a skis", I dream that you fuck me on skis).
- French (Canada): Elmor Susafon ("Elle mord, suce à fond", She bites, suck till end).
- German: Annette Halbestunde (Eine nette halbe Stunde, a nice half an hour).
- Hungarian: Jovonna Dugogatni (Jó volna dugogatni, screwing would be nice). [1]
- Italian: Ivona Pompilova (pompino, oral sex).
- Portuguese (Brazil): Ivana Kertrepar (quer trepar, want to have sex).
- Spanish: María Unpajote (Me haría un pajote, I would masturbate).
Trivia:[]
Ivana is a Russian spy that was hired by Dr. Evil due to her intense sexually appealing nature and amazing ability to seduce any man she is targeting to make it easier for her to assassinate them. She demonstrated this when she was sent to kill Austin both during the photo shoot and in his own pad later on, seducing Austin by squeezing her cleavage together and using the King Piece as a metaphor for a man’s “wedding tackle” in various foreplay tactics. However, Austin is able to turn the tables on Ivana and arouse her to the point that she completely defies her orders and ends up having sex in bed with him instead. This would be the first time Ivana has the tables turned on her.
Apparently, the loss of Austin's mojo in the middle of sex did not affect or decrease Ivana's attraction to Austin as she still did not go through with her orders to kill him. Instead, Ivana simply stares at Austin’s groin in stunned silence as she sees he has indeed lost his mojo.
A possibility as to why she still didn't kill him is that during their few minutes of shagging, because of Austin’s almost inhuman sexual skills and prowess with his mojo, he may have given her some sexual satisfaction while he still had his mojo, causing her to stick to her decision to not kill Austin after his mojo was stolen. The loud noises of pleasure she is briefly heard making before Austin's cock goes limp in the scene where Fat Bastard is extracting his mojo in 1969 side by side with Austin and Ivana having sex in bed in 1999 makes it seem so.
However, it may also be that Ivana felt sympathy or guilt about the loss of Austin’s mojo, feeling bad that the legendary swinger had suddenly been stripped of his legendary libido.
Despite Ivana Humpalot never appearing again, Kristen Johnston returned in a cameo appearance in the third film as a dancer in a club.
