Austin Powers
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Ivana Humpalot

The beautiful Russian hit-woman Ivana Humpalot, sticking several chess pieces in between her heavily exposed cleavage as she attempts to seduce Austin Powers.

"Da, darling." - Ivana Humpalot to Austin Powers before their "private session" together.

As Fat Bastard steals Austin’s mojo in 1969, in 1999, Austin immediately finds himself impotent while making love to Ivana Humpalot

As Far Bastard to extracting Austin's mojo in 1969, the 1999 Austin is having hot and sweaty sex with the lovely Russian woman Ivana Humpalot. As the precious liquid sustaining Austin's libido leaves his testicles, the present day Austin realizes something is terribly wrong...

Ivana Humpalot (Kristen Johnston) is a sexy hit-woman of Dr. Evil who appears in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, sent on a mission to seduce and kill Austin Powers before she ended up becoming one of his lovers instead. Her name is also a pun on the phrase "I wanna hump a lot."


Appearance[]

Snapshot - 52

Ivana has a tall, angular body, an impressive pair of big boobs, and a pair of large, round, soft butt cheeks that any man would want to grab and spank.

Her outfit is a black nearly see-through lace bodysuit that clings to her form like a second skin, leaving little to the imagination to her tight crotch and heavily exposed cleavage. She wears a white long fur coat and hat overneath her lingerie, along with black ankle length boots.

After the photoshoot, Ivana replaces her coat and hat with a long black silky robe that runs slightly past her thighs and now wears high heeled shoes instead of her boots.

Ivana also wears a diamond necklace, a pair of diamond earrings and several diamond rings on her fingers.

She has green eyes, dark brunette hair, and wears heavy red lipstick and blue eyeshadow. She also has a deep Russian accent.

Personality[]

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Ivana Humpalot during the photo shoot.

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Ivana is first shown to have a slightly mysterious character about her in her introduction, but this is played down drastically the more we see of her. For example, Ivana gets visibly annoyed when Austin makes fun of her punny name. She also has a humorous side to her, clearly having fun with Austin's crazy antics throughout the photo shoot. When she plays chess with Austin in his pad, Ivana's sexuality is on full display, moaning and groaning as she strokes, licks, and plays with the king piece as though it were a cock and giving many views of her ample cleavage to Austin throughout the game. However, it is implied that this is her usual method of distraction, seducing her male targets with her appeal until the right moment to kill them. However, Austin is able to turn the tables on her and arouses Ivana to the point that she confesses she works for Dr. Evil but instead finds that Austin is too sexy for her to kill, with the two moving over to Austin's bed for a shag. Ivana is heard making loud screams of pleasure as she Austin are under the sheets making love. After Austin loses his mojo only after just several minutes of shagging, Ivana is left shocked and disappointed, her mouth falling open in dismay when she looks down at his penis, which is no longer erect. Ivana still makes no move to kill him, implying she still finds him sexy even after he failed to make her reach orgasm.

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Austin and Ivana in his pad after the photoshoot

History[]

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Ivana begins stroking the king in a provocative manner.

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"Do you like what you see, Mr. Powers?"

She is first seen in the background getting prepped up before the photo shoot begins. As Austin ends his flirty conversation with Rebecca Romijn, he turns to Ivana as she observes him. She then introduces herself, but Austin seems to misinterpretate her name so she starts to get visibly frustrated as her name is being mocked. He then tells them to get into position as the ladies start to sexily swivel their bodies as cameras start to shoot. As Ivana sways her body for the shoot, she begins to sexually roam her hands over her torso, thighs and legs while giving wide open views of her crotch and breasts. In her first photo, Ivana's boobs are in plain view while She slightly sticks her tongue out and stoically staring into the camera. She reaches out her hand in a claw like motion with a piercing stare when Austin tells her to act like a tiger. Ivana and Rebecca press up against each other and begin clawing their hands out together in the next photo, while Austin imitates Tony the Tiger as he calls them great and that he's loving it. Then he asks the women to move around like lemurs as he joins in between. The three have their forearms up high and they're leaping lightly from foot to foot. It is clear Ivana is lost and confused as she's performing these movements and has to keep eyeing Austin's movements. Both Rebecca and Ivana are then seen on their knees as they continue to play along with Austin's demands. Ivana's facial expressions indicate that she has a sense of humor as she seems to enjoy the shoot. In a deleted scene slightly after the shoot ends, she goes to get a smoke and hears attentively her name being mentioned after Austin rejects Rebecca and that he plans to have a "private session" with her instead. She is seen in the background slowly pulling on her coat a bit to reveal some skin as she smirks at Austin. Austin asks her to stay after the shoot and she replies by telling him to give her a moment so she can get into something more comfy. She then proceed to walk off set while giving a side view of her boobs for Austin as she smirks seductively at him.

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Ivana opens her robe to reveal some skin and squeezes her breasts, arousing Austin.

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Ivana plays with the king in between her breasts.

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Ivana imitates oral sex, using the king as though it were a cock.

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"So yummy..."

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"Crikey baby, your jubblies are huge..."

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"Yeah baby.Keep pushing those things..."

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"Mmmm, I do have really big boobs, Mr. Powers, do I not?"

Later, Ivana is seen with Austin in his pad, having had taken off her coat and hat to put on a black silky robe to suit her comfort. Austin claps his hands twice as romantic music comes on and the fireplace lights up in flames. Ivana, clearly impressed, asks Austin when he got the clapper. He replies, "November 1964, Dutch East Indies, Shore Leave". Ivana then asks Austin if he knows how they keep warm in Russia, and he makes an innuendo about it being sex and she replies, "we play chess," to which Austin replies, "I guessed wrong." They move over to the chess board as Ivana explains to Austin that "it takes a keen intelligence to play chess", before asking Austin if he knows how to play. He gives his trademark laugh before saying, "Of course, baby," before suddenly moving the Knight three spaces foward, which isn't something the Knight can do. Ivana gasps out loudly in shock, before giggling and smiling in an aroused way. Her giggling slowly starts to become more deeper as she reaches down and gently touches the King with her index finger and thumb before slowly stroking the King up and down, clearly pretending that the King is a cock, to begin her own act of seduction. Austin quietly observes her to see what she does next, as she slowly opens her robe to give Austin a wide open view of her heavily exposed cleavage, barely supported by her tight bodysuit, taking a loud deep breath before quietly saying to herself, "What to do, what to do..." as she slowly and seductively squeezes her big, soft, milky boobs together with her forearms, moaning quietly as she finishes pushing them against each other, and Austin groans loudly at the sight, clearly enjoying the view Ivana is giving him of her squeezing her giant flesh globes. He begins rapidly stroking the tips of the smallers pieces on his end of the board almost as if they were nipples, indicating he desires getting his hands on her breasts and feeling them. Ivana notices this, realizes Austin is getting turned on, and decides to up the ante. She proceeds to remove even more of her robe, arching her back to stick her titties out and places her thumbs underneath the straps of her bodysuit, pulling them foward to slightly free her big boobs from the tightness of her bra, and begins to move the straps around with her squishy, soft boobs moving around with the motion, with Ivana smirking at Austin as he grabs his head and watches in shock at the steamy display she is giving him. Ivana then stops pulling on her straps before reaching for and gently picking up the King while still smiling at Austin before placing it in between her boobs for several seconds, before pulling it back out and slowly licking the head of the King Piece in an incredibly suggestive manner as she glances over and happily smiles at Austin, as if daring him to follow her with the pawn pieces that Austin was playing with earlier. Austin follows through and licks the pawn suggestively, but he doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as Ivana as he gags at the taste of the piece. Next, Ivana gently strokes her chin with the King, closing her eyes and smiling as the King slides across her skin. Austin proceeds to mimic popping a pimple with the pawn. Ivana then puts the King against her lips as she begins to imitate oral sex, slowly working the head of the King the same way as a woman would with the shaft of a penis, before Ivana puts the King further into her mouth, deep throating it and smirking at Austin while once again opening her robe to give a view of her boobs. Austin copies her with his breast piece, but then he chokes on it, while Ivana quickly pulls the King out of her mouth and watches in shock. Austin pounds his chest as he spits out the piece and it smashes a vase across the room. As Ivana begins to recover from her initial shock, Austin forwardly asks her if he makes her horny, causing her to briefly look away for a moment in surprise at the question. She is soon unable to resist the sex appeal of Austin’s mojo and gets up rapidly, confessing to Austin that Dr. Evil had sent her to kill Austin, but says he is too sexy for her to kill, which Austin isn't surprised by. Ivana proceeds to lay herself down onto the bed, showing off her ample cleavage and crotch while stroking her heavily exposed hip and thigh, allowing Austin to fully take in her own sexiness as she demands Austin to make love to her, screaming to him, "Now, Austin Powerovich! Hurry!", proving that Austin was right about her being horny. Austin gets up from his chair and approaches Ivana as she sways her head and hair with her mouth open while giving Austin a soft look and small noise of arousal before giving a more aggressive stare with a mischievous smirk on her lips as she positions herself sitting straight up and lowers her chin closer to her chest, positioning her glorious, big white boobies upright, silently giving Austin an open invitation to fuck her in bed. Austin then rips his shirt open, causing Ivana to scream loudly at his chest hair, before reaching up and and caressing it lovingly between her fingers as she moans, "Oh, you are hairy, like ANIMAL!" Austin responds " Grrr, baby, very Grrr!" as the Russian woman continues to roam her hands across and up and down his torso, enjoying the feeling of his hair between her fingers, utterly lost in her lust. Ivana, hot all over and already so wet that her sex juices were bleeding through her bodysuit and drooling with hunger, slowy growls "Make love to me, monkey man!" to Austin through clenched teeth, gripping the collar of his shirt and dragging him into bed with her.

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"Would you like to give them a squeeze?"

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"Just make love to me!"

Ivana roams her hands across Austin's hairy chest, apparently aroused by such a hairy chest.

"You are so hairy, like ANIMAL!"

As the two make love in Austin's bed, Ivana devours Austin's face and chest with kisses, while Austin gets a full taste of her big boobs as he shags the sexy Russian woman, with her making loud screams of pleasure as they thrust into each other. Ivana has juices streaming out of the sides of her pussy pre-climax, utterly shocked by how great Austin is in bed, Ivana lets out more screams, more thrusts, and more lust for her "monkey man" as she prepares for her orgasm. Ivana picks up the pace, increasing the speed of her hips as she continued to enjoy the feeling of Austin penetrating her pussy, knowing well that she is close to her climax, and begs for Austin to exchange love fluids with her, and lets out one final scream as the two are thrusting under the sheets.

Ivana drags Austin into bed with her to commence sexual activity.

"Cum inside me, Monkey Man! Fill me with your hot love! Give me that spunk!"

Unfortunately, at that moment Austin stops the sex as he says "uh oh" from under the sheets as he found himself for the first time in his life unable to keep it up for one of his lovers. The two sit up straight in the bed, with Ivana's red lips faded and Austin covered in lipstick marks on his face and upper chest. Ivana, worried for Austin with a wide eyed look, asks him what's wrong. Austin now realizes that his mojo has been stolen, causing him to shout "I've lost my mojo!" Ivana looks down at his groin and sees that Austin's legendary penis is now limp, causing Ivana to gasp in dismay as she is left in shock. Suddenly, the feeling of her approaching climax that had been building up in her crotch disappeared as well, as if the lust she had for Austin had vanished. Ivana Humpalot is, so far, the only sexy woman that Austin Powers ever sexually disappointed in bed.

Austin Powers, the world's greatest lover, is suddenly impotent and can no longer make love to Ivana, who looks down and gasps in dismay as she sees Austin's penis is limp, leaving her the only woman Austin ever disappointed in bed.

"I don't believe this. Your erection is gone. Your hot love is no more. And you are no longer my sexy monkey man..."After Austin fails to make Ivana Humpalot achieve orgasm, she is not seen in the series again, never getting over her disappointment from Austin losing his erection.

Ivana Humpalot is not seen again in the series. Even though she only spared Austin just so she could have sex with him, Ivana still makes no move to kill him, implying she still is attracted to him. Whether or not she was punished by Dr. Evil or merely continued her work is unknown. It's also possible Ivana's mission was to lure Austin into bed with her the entire time which had played out with Dr Evil's real plan, stealing his mojo.

Foreign Language Versions[]

  • Czech: Radana Chuja (Ráda na chuje (She) likes on cock).
  • Dutch: Kwil Vanbilski (Ik wil van bil, I want to have sex).
  • French (France): Jorevka Tumbezaski ("Je reve que tu me baise a skis", I dream that you fuck me on skis).
  • French (Canada): Elmor Susafon ("Elle mord, suce à fond", She bites, suck till end).
  • German: Annette Halbestunde (Eine nette halbe Stunde, a nice half an hour).
  • Hungarian: Jovonna Dugogatni (Jó volna dugogatni, screwing would be nice). [1]
    IH
  • Italian: Ivona Pompilova (pompino, oral sex).
  • Portuguese (Brazil): Ivana Kertrepar (quer trepar, want to have sex).
  • Spanish: María Unpajote (Me haría un pajote, I would masturbate).
  • Russian: Ivanna Platinova ("И ванна платиновая", And the bath is platinum).


Trivia:[]

Ivana is a Russian spy that was hired by Dr. Evil due to her intense sexually appealing nature and amazing ability to seduce any man she is targeting to make it easier for her to assassinate them. She demonstrated this when she was sent to kill Austin both during the photo shoot and in his own pad later on, seducing Austin by squeezing her cleavage together and using the King Piece as a metaphor for a man’s “wedding tackle” in various foreplay tactics. However, Austin is able to turn the tables on Ivana and arouse her to the point that she completely defies her orders and ends up having sex in bed with him instead. This would be the first time Ivana has the tables turned on her.

Apparently, the loss of Austin's mojo in the middle of sex did not affect or decrease Ivana's attraction to Austin as she still did not go through with her orders to kill him. Instead, Ivana simply stares at Austin’s penis in stunned silence as she sees he has indeed lost his mojo.

A possibility as to why she still didn't kill him is that during their few minutes of shagging, because of Austin’s almost inhuman sexual skills and prowess with his mojo, he may have given her some sexual satisfaction while he still had his mojo, causing her to stick to her decision to not kill Austin after his mojo was stolen. The loud noises of pleasure she is briefly heard making before Austin's cock goes limp in the scene where Fat Bastard is extracting his mojo in 1969 side by side with Austin and Ivana having sex in bed in 1999 makes it seem so, meaning that the two of them were actually in the process of Round 2 when Austin lost his libido.

However, its also possible that Ivana was sent by Dr. Evil to have sex with Austin the whole time and was aware that Austin would lose mojo, as it would be even more painful for Austin to lose his mojo during a tryst.

Despite Ivana Humpalot never appearing again, Kristen Johnston returned in a cameo appearance in the third film as a dancer in a club.

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Ivana playing chess with Austin

Relationships:[]

Dr. Evil: Dr. Evil is Ivana's employer, who had hired her as an assassin. Due to Ivana's tryst with Austin and subsequently never appearing, it's possible Dr. Evil had her killed or punished. However, it's also possible that he had sent her to sleep with Austin in the first place since Dr Evil's real plan was to steal his mojo.


Austin Powers: The man that she was sent to kill under Dr Evil's orders. However, Ivana ends up taking a liking to Austin, and ends up falling for him during their flirty chess game. The two proceed to have sex together in Austin's bed, where Ivana is heard shrieking loudly in pleasure. After Austin becomes impotent, Ivana still makes no move to kill him. But it's possible that her mission was to lure Austin into bed with her the whole time so that he would lose his libido while in the middle of a shag, which for him would be so much worse. Even if that is so, though, Ivana's loud screams in bed indicate that she may have genuinely enjoyed the sex, and may have still been disappointed when it had ended.

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